The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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