Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
