I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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