As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
