Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
