ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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