So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
