Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
