white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
