We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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