Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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