soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
