He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
