Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
