Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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