This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
