You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
