Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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