That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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