Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
