Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
