Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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