I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
