Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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