Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
