I'm going to jail i love you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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