You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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