: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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