i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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