is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
