Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just tell him i said nine months
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
