Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dicks are not precious.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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