conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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