We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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