I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
