dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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