Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
