So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
