Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If that was your dad, he is hot
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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