the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
