The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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