please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
