Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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