I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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