She is in my trunk
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
