i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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