I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
