watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
