I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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