the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
