I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
