I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
